Fear

  JapanxApiphobic!Reader

  There it was. I'm sure I heard it. That awful sound which tenses my body, causes my face to turn pale and my heart to pound rapidly. Now that I was on edge, every other sound made my [colour] eyes widen and my breathing hitch slightly: something as simple as hearing two blades of metal slide against each other, the flashing shadows of the birds high up in the air, or even my own nervous ticks would set me off!

  My husband - Kiku - and I were outside in the garden, enjoying the warm weather we were receiving. I was - not exactly sitting, but more - perched on a garden chair, now that I'd been agitated by hearing that terrifying sound. Kiku, however, was completely unaware of the fear I was experiencing: he was occupied, trimming one of bushes, its branches gently stroked the underlying grass like long, delicate fingers. With such beautiful weather, Kiku wanted to tidy the garden up, and so was cutting the many slender digits of the bush, its fingers that caught the breeze and swayed gently, now lay on the ground, lifeless and dead.

  Seeing Kiku in a sun hat, a pair of dungarees and a hugging tank top brought a slight smile to my face and sense of calm. I always thought he looked the rather fetching gentleman in dungarees, and his simple, white top showed off the muscles around his shoulders and upper arms while emphasising his torso. What added a childlike tint to his appearance was the fact that his sun hat flopped over his face - so that he had to summon puffs of air to remove it from his eyes - and his hands and forearms appeared lost inside his long, gardening gloves. He reminded me a little of myself, when I would raid my grandparents' wardrobe as a child, dressing up in garments that were clearly - yet sweetly - too big for my tiny form.

  There it was again. A little closer this time. The thought of admiring Kiku tend to the garden was now long gone, and I was once again on edge. How I hated this fear. I noticed Kiku briefly pause his work as he turned his head to attempt to find the source of the faint noise, and, upon not succeeding, returned to trimming as if nothing ever happened. The same could not be said for me, however: I could feel the droplets of sweat gather on my forehead, and the blood drain from my face as it rushed to my legs, the primal instinct of "fight or flight" beginning to take effect. My breathing increased as I took shorter and quicker intakes, my throat becoming a little dry in the process.

  I tried to calm myself, attempting to slow down the rate of oxygen I was grasping from the air, closing my eyes and muttering comforting gibberish to myself. Slowly but surely, my heart rate relaxed, until…

  BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

  The prolonged drone of that terrible, flying creature felt incredibly loud and surprisingly close, soon to be accompanied by the dreaded monster itself. Its evil, yellow and black form was silhouetted and hovering menacingly above my vulnerable self. Sudden fear and adrenaline took over my body, as I soon discovered I had ran back inside the house and was now under the bed covers, my throat a little scratchy - I must've been screaming. The underlying fear lay as present as ever, which soon transformed into droplets of water falling from my [colour] eyes. I tried to compress the tears and my breathing, but I could not succeed. My head soon began to throb, as I realised I'd been clenching my jaw a little too tightly, catching my tongue as the mild sensation of iron tinted the inside of my mouth. The air in my throat felt thick and I couldn't get enough oxygen to my lungs. Yet there was a slight feeling of comfort, as the world around me was smothered in [colour] from our bed sheets above my head, allowing me to reminisce my childhood.

  Through the sniffling, salty tears and hitching breaths, I could just detect a pair of familiar feet slowly embark up the stairs to reach me as I childishly hid from the evil personified, with our bed being my sacred fortress. The door soon creaked open and I could feel Kiku's presence in the room. When he sat on the edge of the double bed, I was pleased that he hadn't sat on me, for my entire form lay hidden from view, wrapped up in linen and tucked away from the outside world.

  Here, I felt safe.

  And with Kiku by my side, I knew I WAS safe.

  As such, I slowly sat up, feeling almost like Dracula rising from his coffin as my movements were silent and sleek. I fiddled a bit with the fabric that still covered my body, soon unveiling myself. My eyes took a little while to adjust to the sudden change in light, and I could feel the static in my [colour] hair. Yet my face burned a little from the salt, and I was in desperate need of a handkerchief, as I had to keep wiping my stinging eyes to see, and sniffling mucus to breath. Despite my vision becoming secluded with tears, I could see that Kiku no longer had his sun hat or his gloves on, suddenly appearing more masculine and mature.

  Behind his enchanting eyes, I could almost see his heart slowly break as he took in my condition. Upon seeing such things, I felt my bottom quiver and the tears weld once more. But then…

  BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

  Not again! Not now! Please! I beg of you!

  I screamed again and crashed into Kiku's chest, the tears and sobs now becoming uncontrollable. My hands reached up beside my head and tenderly grasped at the fabric coating Kiku's body, the soft sensation of cotton in my shaky and sweaty palms slowly easing away the fear. But what definitely helped was Kiku's scent - a tangible flavour of sweat and freshly cut grass from his work in the garden, sakura from his time relaxing under such a tree on our property, and the faintest hint of ink from Kiku's calligraphy and his manga works - and the sensation of his precious organ gently knocking against his ribs, sending pulses through the skin on my face.

  I felt his protective arms lock me safely in an embrace, slowly rocking me from side to side.

  "[Name]-chan," he began, his baritone voice emitting from his chest. I winced an acknowledgement to my name through his top. "Sat's just se neighbour's rawnmower. You shourdn't be scared of sat."

  Still holding his shirt in my balled fists, I slowly leaned back from Kiku so I could meet his comforting gaze. "B-But I'm still scared…" I struggled to release through a whisper. "And I'm still on edge. Plus, [Neighbour's Name]'s lawnmower does sound a lot like a bee, you gotta admit." Throughout my speech, my voice crackled like that of a radio, and even disappeared at times.

  Kiku turned away for a brief moment, pondering what I'd just told him. "Hai… sat is true," he reluctantly admitted through a nod. "But [Name]-chan," he continued, our eyes locking once again. "bees won't hurt you. You don't need to be afraid of sem. Just ignore sem. Sey're not interested in you," Kiku soothed, his chocolate orbs holding nothing but honesty and truthfulness, yet a faint hint of worry and concern seemed present.

  I could feel the bubbles slowly rise up from deep within, soon to set off the waterworks again, yet not in fear this time, but for the fact that I'd upset Kiku, worried him even. Yet I would be strong for him. I turned away for a moment, concentrating hard as I controlled my breathing and I could soon feel imprints from my teeth become etched on the surface of my tongue. I tried to gulp down the solid lump that appeared in my throat, yet it wouldn't budge, and I believe Kiku could see I was struggling to compose myself. He pulled me close to him, once again keeping me safe in his loving arms, yet this time, I could feel a soft, silk-like pair of lips kiss the top of my head. Just being in his presence relaxed and calmed me, and so his sweet and tender kisses transported me to a world of ecstasy . One final deep sigh escaped me, and a rogue tear tumbled down my face, signalling the end had arrived.

  I tilted my head up, meeting Kiku's gaze and smiling weakly. He slowly stood up, extending a hand for me to take. I entwined my fingers with his before standing up also, following him out the room and down the stairs, all the while his thumb lovingly massaged my skin.

  I was a little cautious entering the outside world once more, as I stood in the doorway, snuggling into the frame and hiding my face. But I was so grateful that Kiku was a patient man, and as such didn't rush me to step out into the summer rays. To be honest, I'm not too sure how long I stood there for, but through all that time, Kiku waited patiently and calmly by my side, his thumb still drawing tiny circles in my hand.

  When the sky had a faint pink tinge added to its bright blue, I finally regained my confidence and stepped outside, the two of us resting in the garden chairs. Kiku had informed me that he wouldn't stray from my side until I was certain I could manage on my own, a warm smile creeping up my face at his caring and thoughtful words. Eventually, I let Kiku return to that same bush once more, but now the sun had begun to disappear behind the horizon. I don't believe myself or Kiku minded, though. The air was a little cooler but still pleasant, and Kiku no longer had to work in the scorching heat of the sun.

  My apiphobia is still present to this day, and has not ceased in disrupting the calm summers I try to enjoy. Yet in a sense, I'm glad I have such a fear, for I feel I've become closer to Kiku. Every time I would run and hide, burying myself into the covers and sobbing like an infant, Kiku would sit by me, comfort me, and wait as patiently as always until I found the strength and confidence to continue. And he still loves me, even with this fear. That's just one of the many reasons why I love him, treasure him, adore him. My Kiku…